


To Be Alone

by Spark_Stark



Series: To Bring You Back Home [7]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alpha Aaron Hotchner, Angst, Autistic Spencer Reid, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, Boys Being Boys, Crying, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Happy Ending, First Dates, Happy Aaron Hotchner, Hotch is vanilla, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Injuries, Misunderstandings, Post-Break Up, Praise Kink, Sad, Secret Relationship, Sharing a Room, Spencer changes that, Spencer is not innocent, Spencer is secretly kinky, Spencer loves it, Talking, Texting, They do eventually, Worried Derek Morgan, these idiots need to get their shit together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:53:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25268671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spark_Stark/pseuds/Spark_Stark
Summary: Spencer and Hotch deal with the break up in different ways but come to the same conclusion; they can’t live without each other.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Series: To Bring You Back Home [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820395
Comments: 64
Kudos: 300





	1. Chapter 1

Spencer felt like, for a lack of a better word, shit. It had been a week since the night he confessed to Hotch and then ran away. JJ had kept good on her promise and stayed the night, woke him up the next morning, and drove him to work. It was a small relief but it had helped, if only a little. He didn't want to play the victim, after all he was the one who had broken off the arrangement, he was the one who had gone and fallen in love. 

In any other situation, work would have provided a well needed distraction from his personal life. But of course he had gone and mixed his personal and professional life. He hadn't let himself think about the potential outcomes of his decisions when he had gotten on his knees on front of his boss on the job. It was like JJ had said, he was an idiotic genius.

He felt claustrophobic, sitting on the jet beside JJ. With Morgan and Rossi across from them, Prentiss and Hotch standing by the table. He was surrounded by his closest friends, but he still felt so alone. It was all his fault. 

"Dave and JJ, visit the latest crime scene. Morgan and Prentiss, talk to the parents. Reid and I will get set up at the station." 

-

Reid had expected the case to be awkward. He expected Hotch to be passive-aggressive and he expected JJ to hover over him. What he really hadn't expected was for Hotch to lock them in the SUV as soon as the stepped off the pavement and beg for an explanation. "Please, just explain it to me. What did I do wrong?"

Spencer pulled at the door handle. "Hotch, unlock the door." 

"Not until you tell me what I did wrong." He said, looking him in the eye, his hands gripping the steering wheel. 

Reid sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "You didn't do anything wrong." He answered, but he didn't look at Hotch. He didn't think he could remain so closed off if he looked into the older man's eyes. "It's not your fault, it's mine." Hotch turned in the driver seat, his body facing his former partner. He reached out to take Spencer's hand in his but Spencer pulled away quickly. "Hotch, I don't want to talk about it. Can't you just do your job?" He was getting angry but not at Hotch. He was angry at himself, angry that he couldn't give Hotch the explanation he deserved. 

Hotch took a deep breath and tried not to let the hurt show on his face. He turned back to face forward and started the car. 

He put all his focus into driving to the station, trying to block out Spencer's presence beside him. Hotch hadn't intended for the conversation to go that way, he really just wanted a civilised discussion with his colleague. He wanted to apologise for whatever it was that he had obviously done wrong. 

When he woke up the morning after Spencer had broken things off with him, he mused over the words that Dave had said to him the night before. "Did it ever occur to you that this man might be in love with you?" He couldn't help but laugh bitterly at the thought. Spencer had seen him at his worst, the days after his divorce, the custody battle, the cases that hit too close to home. Nobody could love him like that. 

If Dave was here, if he had said these thoughts out loud, the older man would have given him an impatient frown. Because for every occasion Hotch had gone to Spencer as a friend in need of comfort, Spencer had done the same to him. The detox, Gideon's departure, the crippling migraines that plagued the young doctor continually. They had been there for each other when others hadn't been. 

It was like Spencer had said when he came to him for advice about his deteriorating marriage. The relationship couldn't be saved, but maybe the friendship could be. "After the case," Hotch said quietly. "can we talk?" He asked, desperation clear in his voice. 

As much as Reid wanted to say no, he didn't think he could. "Fine." He said, his tone sounding how he wished he felt; emotionless. 

Spencer hated emotions. It felt like they were the only thing in the world that he couldn't understand. Sex was easy, it was methodical and goal-orientated. Love was difficult, it was incalculable and uncertain. He wanted to let himself love Hotch, but it wasn't worth the risk.


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer was pacing the hotel room on the last night of the case. They had saved three young local boys and captured the unsub alive, the hotel owners had offered them another night at the hotel and meals at the attached restaurant for free as a thank you. The town was small, one of those areas where everybody was family. Morgan, Prentiss, Rossi and JJ had hit the bar for drinks after their group meal at the restaurant, Hotch and Reid had declined and gone back to their rooms. 

Although neither Reid nor Hotch had explicitly said that now was the time for the conversation they needed to have, Spencer knew that Hotch would come knocking on his door tonight. 

He paced for an hour before Spencer heard the knock on his door. He had practised what he was going to say, tried to predict what Hotch would say. 

"So I've been racking my brain," Hotch welcomed himself into Reid's hotel room as soon as the door was opened. "trying to think why you would-"

Reid closed the door loud enough to interrupt him. "Hotch." He said tiredly. 

"No. No, let me just... Let me tell you what I think." He pleaded. He stepped closer to Spencer, but Spencer took a step back. Hotch tried not to let the hurt show on his face. "Spencer, I'm sorry. I know that you know. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable but I just couldn't- I didn't know how to tell you and it's... It is so, so inappropriate of me."

Spencer didn't know what to say. He didn't know what was going on, Hotch was ranting and he wasn't making any sense. "You're not making any sense." Reid whispered. He felt the heat build behind his eyes. 

Hotch nodded and stepped closer, this time the other man didn't step away. "You." He said, voice wavering more than he would have liked. "You know." He looked down at the ground between the two men. 

Reid tried to stay calm, but he was losing his patience. Hotch kept talking but he had said very little that made sense to Spencer. "Hotch, just fucking-" He cut himself off with a deep breathe. "What are you trying to tell me?" He asked more calmly. 

The other man ran his hand over his face. "I know why you broke things off." He explained. "I understand that my feelings toward you made you uncomfortable. I want you to know that I'm not going to act on my feelings." 

When Spencer didn't say anything after a few seconds, Hotch looked up at him. Reid was standing there, staring at him with his mouth open and his eyebrows furrowed. Spencer cocked his head to the side. "Y-Your feelings?" He asked softly. "What do you mean?" The confusion was clear in his voice, a rare sound for Hotch to hear. 

Both men were seemingly confused by the others' words. "Is this a joke?" Hotch asked and hating himself for how his voice cracked. He knew that Spencer would never humiliate him about his feelings, but he didn't know what else to think in the moment. He already felt so vulnerable like this, Hotch was infamous for never talking about his feelings. "Do you want me to spell it out for you? Do you want to get it on video? That Aaron Hotchner is in love with one of his agents?" He wasn't sure when he started crying but now he didn't think he couldn't stop.

The room was quiet, which was usually something that Spencer would enjoy, but now he despised it. Hotch's quiet sobs rang through the silence of the room. 

Then it clicked. "You're in love with... me?" Spencer whispered, he knew the answer but his mind wouldn't let himself believe it. 

Hotch looked at him but didn't say anything. Spencer sat down on the edge of the bed, the quiet squeak of the bed brought Hotch out of the haze within his mind. Eventually he spoke. "You didn't know." He said, running his hand down his face again. 

Spencer shook his head. 

"I'm sorry. Oh, God. Spencer, I'm so sorry. This must be so uncomfortable for you, I'm your boss and I just-" Hotch ran his hand through his hair and breathed out. He whispered something that sounded like 'why did I do that?' to Spencer. His fight or flight instincts kicked in and he felt himself hastily make his way toward the door. 

The bed squeaked again as Spencer jumped up to reach for Hotch. He grabbed Hotch by his wrist and pleaded for him to stay. "I'm in love with you too." Spencer blurted out when Hotch turned around. He didn't let go of Hotch's wrist. "That's why I made us stop." 

Hotch twisted his hand so that he could take Spencer's hand in his. Neither man spoke for a long time, so overwhelmed by their own emotions. 

When the silence was broken, it was by Hotch's tentative voice. "Can I kiss you?" He asked quietly. Spencer laughed through his own tears that had fallen at some point during his own confession. He tugged on Hotch's hand and leaned into kiss him in response. Both men's lips tasted salty from their tears and when Spencer opened his mouth, the taste of coffee from both men's tongues met too.

Hotch brought his other hand up touch Spencer's face delicately. He pulled back first and moved his hand from Spencer's cheek to the back of his neck. Spencer opened his eyes and looked from Hotch's lips to his dilated pupils. Hotch was the first to smile, his teeth and dimples on full display. Spencer made a promise to himself right there and then that he would spend the rest of his life making sure that he never went a day without seeing Hotch smile like that. 

"Let me take you on a date." Hotch said, absently rubbing the pad of his thumb along Spencer's soft knuckles. 

Spencer leaned in and kissed the side of Hotch's mouth. "Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all thank you for sticking around. you can have some fluff... as a treat.

Morgan had been persistent with his questioning throughout the morning. Apparently, he had walked into work that morning 'glowing' (Garcia) and with 'a spring in his step'. (Rossi)

He tried to shrug off the comments and saying that nothing of significance had happened over the weekend, but the blush across his cheeks told his co-workers a different story that you didn't need to be a profiler to understand. When Morgan and JJ teamed up to corner him in the break room around midday, Spencer knew he was fighting a losing battle. He placed his empty coffee cup down on the counter and raised his hands in surrender. "Fine! I'll talk. Stop using your good cop bad cop tactics on me." 

JJ squealed and stamped her feet on the floor in excitement. "Spare no details." She instructed. 

Spencer's cheeks reddened slightly as he started to retell the story of his Saturday night. "We, um, went out for dinner." He said shyly. The two agents nodded, encouraging the young doctor to continue. "It was close to my place so we walked to the restaurant."

"Oh, playa." Morgan said in his usual teasing tone. JJ laughed at the apparent joke that Spencer had clearly missed. He looked at Morgan, wordlessly asking for an explanation, who just laughed in response. 

At JJ's urging, he continued. "He was really, really nice." He said. Morgan and JJ exchanged a glance. "What?" 

JJ placed her hand on Reid's shoulder and tried not to laugh at the man's clueless face. The trio were interrupted when Hotch walked into the break room that they were currently occupying. Hotch stopped in his tracks when he noticed the three agents freeze slightly and stand up straighter. "What's wrong?" He asked, suddenly on high alert. Hotch looked over his shoulder back out to the bullpen and after confirming that there was no immediate danger, turned back to Morgan, JJ and Reid. 

Morgan smiled and shook his head. "Nothing, Hotch. Pretty boy here was just telling us about his date." He said, the usual teasing tone returning as he looked back at the agent in question. 

The unit chief held up the mug in his hand in way of explanation. "Well, don't let me stop you." He smiled slightly and continued his path to the coffee machine. 

Morgan and JJ turned back to look at Spencer expectantly. The two noticed Spencer's heightened blush but didn't think much of it. Every member of the team felt awkward about sharing their feelings with their boss. But there was so much more to it than that. 

"He insisted on paying the bill," Spencer continued, subtly glancing at Hotch by the counter. The genius noted that he was taking an unusually long time to refill his cup. "and then we walked through the park by my apartment. I know it sounds childish, but we held hands and it was really nice." 

JJ couldn't help it, she clapped her hands together and squealed like a teenage girl. "Aw, Spence. That's so cute!" Morgan looked between Reid and JJ and then started to chuckle softly at JJ's reaction. 

When Spencer blushed harder but didn't continue the story, Morgan crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "C'mon, Kid. There's more to the story." He prompted. "What happened when you got back to your apartment?" He asked cheekily. 

Spencer rolled his eyes and copied the older man's stance by crossing his own arms again. "I invited him inside and pinned him to the-"

"Okay!" JJ interrupted. Morgan hadn't been able to contain his laughter at Spencer's monotone voice. At first glance, Spencer seemed like such an innocent young man who was too smart for his own good at times. But upon years of friendship with the doctor, Morgan had come to know that if there was one area of conversation that Reid was not shy about, it was sex. 

Spencer rolled his eyes. "You asked." He muttered. 

JJ shook her head vigerously. "I did no such thing. That was all Morgan." She said, pointing her finger at him. 

The two men laughed freely. Hotch turned around with a fresh cup of coffee and looked at Spencer. "Did you enjoy your night?" He asked in a tone that sounded simply polite. A boss making small talk with an employee. Spencer tried very hard not to laugh. 

He looked at Hotch and felt a smile spread across his face. "I did." He admitted softly. 

Hotch smiled brightly, just for a second. The dimples and teeth smile that Spencer loved so much. Then he saw the transformation, from Aaron to Hotch. He downgraded his smile to a more controlled, professional one and nodded, lifting his coffee cup to his lips. "Good." He said, sipping from his mug before politely excusing himself back to his office.


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks later, the team was out in Milwaukee on a case that had lasted five days. The unsub had chosen suicide over arrest but they had saved the latest victim, the team chose to focus on the positives. They had all become experts in compartmentalising. It had began to snow on the last morning of the case, it wasn't heavy but it hadn't stopped until the later afternoon. The word from the flight crew was that the runway was too icy to risk attempting a takeoff that night so the team was staying another night in Milwaukee. 

Although it wasn't an altogether terrible outcome, the usual post-case excitement had dissipated. JJ, Emily and Morgan were staying in JJ's hotel room and drinking from the minibar. Rossi had chosen to retire to his own room with a glass of scotch for the night. Spencer was planning on spending the night in the company of books and coffee, but his plans had taken a turn when there was a knock on his door. 

He had a feeling he knew who it was and he felt himself smile. When he opened the door, Hotch was smiling shyly at him with his hands in the pockets of tight, dark jeans. "Hey." He greeted quietly. 

Spencer's smile widened and he leaned against the doorway, folding his arms across his chest. "Hey." He greeted back. 

Hotch bit his lip and looked down at his shoes. "Do you, um." He started quietly. He took a deep breath and looked back up at Spencer. "Do you want to go for a walk around the city?" He asked, his usual confidence had wavered. "With me."

Spencer blushed and pushed himself off the door frame. "I'd love to." He answered and gestured for Hotch to step into his room. "Let me just grab my shoes and a jacket." 

When they exited the hotel, Hotch took Spencer's hand in his. Spencer felt the heat across his cheeks despite the cold evening air, he saw Hotch smiling at him through the corner of his eye. "Thank you." Hotch said quietly a few seconds later. When Spencer gave him a strange look he looked back down at the ground where they walked. "For saying yes. To this." He clarified. 

"Why wouldn't I say yes?" Spencer asked curiously. 

Hotch's step faltered slightly. He looked at Spencer as if he had two heads. "I..." Hotch furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't know." He said honestly, his voice light. 

Spencer looked at the older man, the soft city streetlights highlighted his sharp cheekbones and jawline, so distracted by him that Spencer didn't notice that Hotch had asked him a question until he felt Hotch squeeze his hand softly to gain his attention. "What was that?" He asked. 

"Do you want to get some coffee?" Hotch repeated, amusement clear in his voice. 

"Oh," The young doctor said. "that would be nice." He nodded slowly. Hotch smiled with one side of his face and tugged Spencer closer to him by the hand. 

They bickered lightly about who would pay for the two cups of coffee, Spencer was adamant to pay because Hotch had insisted on paying for their dinner date two weeks ago. Hotch silenced him with a soft kiss on his lips. "Fine." He chuckled.

They had been gone about an hour and decided to head back to the hotel as the evening air became sharper and Spencer pulled his jacket around himself tighter. When they were just less than a block away from the hotel, Hotch pulled on Spencer's hand and they both stopped walking. Hotch turned to Spencer. "Hey." He said, the same soft and unsure voice he had used earlier that night when he knocked on Spencer's door. 

Spencer turned to face Hotch. "Hey." He responded. 

"This is nice, right?" Hotch asked nervously. 

Spencer took his other hand in his and smiled. "Yeah, Aaron. It's really nice." He stated with complete honesty. 

Hotch nodded which caused some of his silky black hair to fall on front of his face. Spencer reached out and soothed it back into place. "We haven't been the best at communicating." He pointed out. 

"No, we have not." The other man agreed with a certain sense of humour in his voice that mixed badly with the deep feeling of regret in his stomach. 

Hotch felt himself getting warmer under his layers of clothing that protected him from the harsh coldness of the night. "But we can be." He said. "I promise I will be honest and more forthcoming. Because I see this going somewhere, and I would hate to ruin that by keeping things to myself."

Spencer laughed softly. "I will be more communicative too because I also think we have something special." He professed in agreement. "And I can't help but laugh when I think about the days of sadness that I endured because I didn't tell you how I felt sooner." 

Hotch ran his hands up Spencer's arms slowly and leaned in to kiss him. He stopped an inch away from Spencer's lips, silently asking for consent. Spencer smiled and let his hands fall onto Hotch's hips, he leaned in and diminished the remaining space between their mouths. It was soft and slow, a feeling still unfamiliar to Spencer who had only let himself indulge in lust fuelled kisses with Hotch in the past. This was a kiss fuelled by love and simply because they could. They both enjoyed these kisses much more.


	5. Chapter 5

Spencer hated mornings. 

Partly because he rarely slept as much as he should've, so anything more than four hours was a blessing that he was never ready to give up. It also had something to do with the man he fell asleep beside woke up at six in the morning to go for a run. He tried to protest by wrapping his arms around Hotch's body as he rolled out of bed, but Hotch always gently pried himself away and left with a gentle kiss to Spencer's temple. "I'll be back in an hour, baby." He whispered and ran his fingers through the man's untamed hair. 

Spencer slept in for the next forty five minutes and then reluctantly got out of Hotch's bed. He went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. Hotch liked coffee and warm porridge for breakfast after he came back from his morning run. Spencer had observed him for weeks until he was certain that he could perform the ritual to perfection. He learned exactly how much milk Hotch liked in his porridge and how hot he liked his coffee. Spencer had ran the calculations in his mind to know what time to put the coffee on for it to be the ideal temperature for Hotch's liking. 

At seven a.m on the spot, the apartment door unlocked from the outside and Hotch let himself in. He shut the door and then paused when he picked up on the smell of coffee. "Spencer, are you awake?" He called out disbelievingly. 

In response, Spencer walked out of the kitchen to meet Aaron in the hallway. He leaned in and kissed him chastely on the lips. When Spencer pulled back, he ran the palm of his hands down Hotch's slightly sweaty t-shirt and smiled at him. "Good morning." He greeted and kissed him softly on the neck. 

Hotch hummed and circled his arms around Spencer's waist. "Yes it is." He laughed gently as Spencer laid his head against the other man's shoulder. Spencer pulled away after a minute of comfortable silence and took Hotch by his hand to lead him into the kitchen where his freshly made breakfast awaited him. 

"What's this for?" Hotch asked hesitantly. 

Spencer chuckled and sat down at the small table where he had put his own cup of coffee down. He pushed Hotch down into the seat by his shoulder and smiled at him. "Nothing." He shrugged. 

That wasn't enough of an answer for Hotch. "Spencer." He said, his tone was kind but insisting. 

The genius sipped at his coffee. "I've been watching your morning routine for a while because I thought it would be nice for you to come back from your run to a nice breakfast." He confessed shyly and looked down at the steaming mug between his hands. 

He felt Hotch's hand on his arm and he looked up into the other man's eyes. Hotch was smiling and Spencer revelled in his dimples and morning scruff. "Thank you, Spencer." He leaned over the table and kissed Spencer on the cheek. 

After the couple had finished their joint breakfast, Hotch suggested that Spencer joined him in the shower. At first Spencer had protested, "You have no intention of actually showering." He laughed and tried to gently push Hotch away from him as he wrapped his arms around Spencer's shoulders. 

Hotch feigned offence. "I have every intent to shower." He stated with a straight face, staring at the man across from him. Spencer rolled his eyes dramatically and raised an eyebrow at him, drawing a sly smile from Hotch. "I may also intend to do some other things." He said flirtatiously. When Spencer blushed, Hotch knew he was close to breaking the younger agent's resolve. He leaned in closer to Spencer and grazed his teeth along the exposed skin over his collarbone. 

Spencer bit his lip to quieten the moan that Hotch was eliciting from him. He took a deep breath when he felt Aaron's hands wander south and finally gave in. "Fine." He sighed and kissed the man softly but insistently. "You win this round, Aaron Hotchner." 

-

Spencer's hair was plastered to his forehead from the spray of the shower and he leaned all his weight against the shower wall. Hotch was leaning over him, dragging his teeth along the exposed skin from Spencer's jaw to his collarbone. 

When he felt himself getting close, he tried his best to hold back until Hotch was at his peak too. He had both of their members in his hand and he jacked them off simultaneously. "Aaron, I'm so close." He whispered brokenly. His breathing was rapid and moans were spilling from his mouth unsolicited. 

He felt Hotch's pace speed up and he pinned Spencer to the wall with his body. He leaned down to whisper in Spencer's ear. "Such a good boy. So pretty and patient for me, aren't you?" Spencer whimpered in response to the praise, knowing it would drive the older man crazy. "Come for me, baby." He instructed, biting down on the skin below Spencer's jaw knowing it would leave a mark visible for the next few days. 

Spencer tensed underneath him and cried out as he let go and let the full force of his orgasm take over. Hotch followed after the sight. He placed his head on Spencer's shoulder as he tried to regain control over his breathing. He could feel Spencer's chest rising and falling just as fast. 

When the two men had slowly come out of their orgasmic haze and cleaned themselves off under the shower's stream, they stepped out of the shower and dried themselves off. Spencer took his spare toothbrush from his go bag into the bathroom to brush his teeth while Hotch made his way into the bedroom to get dressed. 

Hotch had gone to open his gun safe to retrieve his and Spencer's guns from it. He walked back into his bedroom and handed Spencer the S&W revolver. As he took it to place it in his hip holster, Hotch gently grabbed the un-knotted tie lying over Spencer's shoulders and began to tie it. Spencer had opened his mouth to tell Hotch that he was capable of tying his own tie when Hotch looked down at him. The look of apprehension on his face made Spencer pause. Then he asked, "Are you okay?"

Hotch nodded and flattened the now knotted tie against Spencer's chest. He took Spencer's hands in his and took a deep breath. "I know we haven't put any titles on us yet, but I would like to change that." He explained. 

Spencer visibly relaxed and let the tension leave his shoulders as he smiled at Hotch. "What did you have in mind?" He questioned, running the pads of his thumbs over Hotch's calloused knuckled. 

The smile on Hotch's face turned from uncertain to bashful and his ears reddened. "Would you like to be my boyfriend, Spencer Reid?" 

"I'd love to."


	6. Chapter 6

He made it all the way to his desk before the catcalling had started. Hotch ducked his head to hide the smirk on his face as he walked past the bullpen to his office as Morgan and Prentiss called out to Reid. 

"Pretty boy got himself some action last night." Morgan pulled at the collar of Reid's shirt, but really there was no need, the fresh bites from this morning were starting to colour against the pale skin of his neck. 

Spencer was in a good mood that morning, for obvious reasons, so he didn't mind the teasing that he usually would have. Instead of pushing Morgan away with a huff, he let the agent wolf-whistle and poke at his now flush red neck. Prentiss stood up from her desk and rounded the table to join the two men by Spencer's desk. "And who was responsible for that?" She asked, clearly impressed. 

Hotch had walked slower than usual and took his time getting the office keys from his pocket, subtly listening in on the conversation. 

Spencer glanced at Hotch quickly, hoping that the two profilers wouldn't think much of it. "My boyfriend." He answered happily, leaning back in his chair. Prentiss' smile widened and Morgan raised an eyebrow. Spencer held his hand up before the man could say anything. "And if he ever hurts me, blah blah blah, I'll come straight to you." He teased.

Hotch decided now was an acceptable time to stop listening on the conversation and he opened his office door, stepping inside and opening the blinds of the windows that looked out over the bullpen. 

Morgan nodded, appeased for the mean time. "Damn right." He said, making his way back to his own desk. 

The day progressed as any other day in Quantico, Spencer's good mood had been helping him through Prentiss and Morgan's persistent questioning. Their good-natured interrogation had gotten them very little information, adamantly refusing to share personal details that would give away the identity of his new boyfriend. He had buried his head in consultations for hours when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. 

Aaron (3.15pm)  
Have you had lunch yet?

Spencer (3.15pm)  
no, u?

Aaron (3.16pm)  
I have not.

Aaron (3.16pm)  
Would you like to grab some now?

Spencer (3.17pm)  
i'd love that x

He heard Hotch's office door open followed by the unit chief's footsteps down the steps to the elevator. Spencer looked over his shoulder and stood up, grabbed his bag and quickly made his way to meet Hotch by the elevator. None of the other agents took any notice to this, having become used to Reid and Hotch going for semi-regular lunches together for almost a year. 

When he stepped up beside Hotch waiting for the elevator, he looked over his shoulder and spoke when he was certain that nobody was close enough to hear. "You might be Derek's next unsub." 

Hotch looked over to Spencer and smirked. "Am I to be worried?" He asked jokingly. They stepped into the empty elevator and Hotch leaned across Reid to press the button for the ground floor. Spencer could smell his aftershave. 

"I don't think so. You really don't profile as such a hopeless romantic." Spencer remarked, his own smirk present. Hotch turned his head slightly to look at him and nudged him with his shoulder. 

There was a slight blush rising from under the collar of Hotch's shirt. "Am not." He muttered indignantly, but the smile gave him away. 

The elevator opened to a mostly deserted lobby. Most of the agents having cleared out back to their offices after taking an earlier lunch than the pair. "Holding hands, walking around the park at sunset, escorting me back to my apartment, texting to make sure I get home safe-"

"It's chivalry." Hotch interrupted his boyfriend. 

"It's dorky." Spencer responded, humour and amusement in his voice as they made their way towards Hotch's car. 

Hotch remotely unlocked the door to his SUV as they got closer. He opened the door for Spencer and leaned in to whisper in the younger agent's ear as he pinned him delicately to the side of the car. "Maybe I just like to treat my good boy well." The comment sent a shiver down Reid's spine as he looked up at the man standing over him. Although he was only an inch taller than Spencer, his body loomed over him. 

Spencer took a deep breath. "Hotch, if you don't step away from me soon I might have to suck you off in the back seat again." He warned, his voice becoming slightly hoarse. Hotch laughed softly and pressed a soft kiss to his neck before complying and taking a step back. 

He made his way around the front of the car and opened the driver's side door. "You make a very tempting offer, Doctor Reid." He winked.


	7. Chapter 7

The gentle rumble of the jet's engines had always soothed Spencer, it was one of the few mechanical sounds that he could tolerate. He let himself get lost in thoughts about the current case as he read through his paper copy of the case file until he was interrupted by a light tap against his ankle. He looked up at JJ across from him. "You okay?" He asked.

The blonde woman leaned over and placed her arms on the table between them. "How's the boyfriend?" The question seemed innocent enough, possessing a conversational tone, but the mischievous glint in her eyes told a different story. Spencer rolled his eyes and gave her a generic answer -which was not untrue- but it did not satisfy her. "Come on." She whined and kicked against his foot again. "When do we get to meet him?" She pouted at Spencer. 

He looked around the plane to see each team member occupied with their own thoughts, staring thoughtfully down at their iPad's. He turned back to JJ. "I'll tell you after the case, I promise." He said sincerely. JJ smiled widely at him and leaned back in her chair, letting him refocus on his thoughts. 

Spencer and Aaron had discussed about how and when they would tell the team. They had only been dating a month, not factoring in their two months friends with benefits-esque situation, but they had known each other for seven years and both had first started to develop feelings for each other after the Philip Dowd case three years ago. It wasn't very presumptuous to say that they thought the relationship was a significant part of their personal lives. Spencer thought it would be easier to tell each member of the team individually when the opportunity presented itself and Aaron was happy to go along with whatever Spencer suggested if it made him feel comfortable.

"Who are you most worried about?" Spencer had asked, looking up at Aaron through his eyelashes. He had his head against his boyfriend's bare chest and his arms wrapped around his waist. One of Hotch's arms was hugging Spencer around his shoulders and the other was on his own chest, positioned so he could run his fingers through Spencer's recently cut short brown locks. (He preferred it longer, but that was a discussion for another day)

He didn't reply for a few moments, thinking over the question in his head. "Dave." He answered into the quiet, dark bedroom. 

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows. "Really?" He had expected... anybody else but Rossi. 

"I know he will be happy for us, but I can't help but think that he would have some reservations that he wouldn't share." Hotch made a good point, one that Spencer hadn't considered. Rossi was one of Hotch's closest friends and he treated Spencer like a son. Yes, he would most likely be happy that the two men had found love and had a stable relationship, despite the instability caused to get to that point. But it was possible that he would have an opinion -or at least a thought- about the relationship that he would not voice aloud, probably arguing that it was not his place to comment on somebody else's personal life. 

"What about you?" Aaron spoke again in the same delicate tone that he always used at night. 

To Spencer, it was obvious. "JJ." He replied. He felt Hotch nod his head above him. "I know that Morgan will assume that you're somehow pressuring me into this, which is such a ridiculous idea that it is kind of funny. But it won't take a lot to convince him that this is a very equally committed relationship." Spencer spoke with such clarity that it made Aaron's heart swell in his chest. 

"But JJ is a different story." Spencer continued after a moment of silence. He took a deep breath and let himself be distracted by the patterns that Hotch was unconsciously tracing against the bare skin of his shoulder. When he spoke again, his voice quivered a little. "She saw how conflicted I was when I realised I was in love with you. She stayed with me the days after I broke things off between us originally, I was a mess. I never told her the full story of us, didn't say who you were. It didn't stop her from being extremely angry at you, even though I put myself in that situation. She isn't great at being objective, too caring for her own good."

Hotch chuckled slightly and turned to look down at Spencer, who looked up to meet his gaze. "You are worried about telling JJ because she's biased and I'm worried about telling Dave because he's too balanced." Spencer smiled and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back down against Aaron's warm chest. He felt Hotch press a soft kiss to the top of his head and he sighed contently. 

It still felt kind of odd to Spencer, being so open to another person. Sharing his emotions without worrying what the other thought. The young genius laughed at himself, thinking back to what his mother had told him when he was still a teenager. Honesty breeds healthy relationships. He'd like to think he had that now.

He tightened his arms around the man's waist. "That's a paradox for another night." He announced, his tiredness from their bedroom activities catching up to him. Hotch laughed from under him and nodded, pulling Spencer closer to him as they both fell into a comfortable silence and let sleep take over them.


	8. Chapter 8

There were always difficult cases for the BAU, it was part of the job. Some affected them more than others, this case was one of those cases for Reid. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that impacted him so much, but it was interfering with his ability to work and begun to irritate the doctor. The team had all noticed but said nothing, only Hotch had approached him. When there was a quiet moment in the case, most of the LEO's and their team members had filed out for lunch and Hotch gentle placed his hand on Spencer's shoulder. 

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" His voice was soft and non-confrontational, making Reid feel safe. He nodded and let the older man lead him into an empty hallway. When Hotch was certain that they were alone, Reid saw his character change before him. It was an unspoken arrangement the pair had agreed to that they would separate their relationship from their work when possible.

Reid's stature changed as well, when he felt Hotch delicately brush his fingers down Spencer's arm. "Are you okay?" Spencer asked softly. 

Hotch gave him an incredulous look. "I was going to ask you the same thing." He said. When Spencer didn't reply, he took a small step closer until he could see the younger man breathing in the smell of his aftershave and relax. The smell soothed him, Aaron had noticed a week earlier. The couple were lying in Spencer's bed when Aaron felt him tense slightly, apparently there was a buzzing coming from the neighbour's apartment but Hotch couldn't hear it. His senses weren't as sharp as his partner's. Spencer had buried his nose in Hotch's neck and taken a deep breath in.

He stayed close to Spencer and waited patiently for him to share what he was thinking. "I don't know what it is about this case." He admitted. Hotch could tell that his uncertainty was troubling him, he didn't like not knowing things, being in the dark. Not understanding his own emotions would aggravate him even more. He felt thoroughly defeated. 

Aaron nodded understandingly. "Maybe it isn't related to the case." He suggested, rubbed his hand soothingly down Spencer's arm and whispered. "What's wrong, babe?" 

"I want to tell JJ. About us. After the case." Spencer's short and choppy sentences were a clear indication of his anxiety. 

"You're worried about how she will react." Hotch said, remembering their late night conversation from weeks earlier. He sighed while he watched Reid nod his head in defeat. Hotch looked over the man's shoulder, double checking that there was nobody else in the hallway and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend on the forehead. Spencer looked up through his lashes into Aaron's eyes. "I can't tell you it is going to be okay, but I promise I will help work this out with you." 

Spencer didn't know how to response. The sudden feeling of being so loved and safe overwhelmed him, he felt the heat of tears in his eyes. Spencer didn't know what to say, didn't know if he could say anything, but he pulled Aaron into a hug. He held onto him tightly, hoping that the action spoke the words that his mouth couldn't. "I love you." He whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.

Aaron brought his arms around Spencer's shoulders and ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair soothingly, the way he knew Spencer enjoyed. "I love you too." He confessed. They stood still, enjoying the embrace. The hallway was silent, Reid’s soft sniffles echoed against the walls of the empty precinct. Spencer was the first to loosen his grip and step away, but only slightly. Hotch reached out and brushed Spencer's dishevelled fringe out of his red-rimmed eyes. "Let's go for a walk tonight, when we're back at the hotel. We can talk then." He proposed, his voice still soft and affectionate.

The younger man smiled for the first time that day, a contrast to the stray tears that were drying on his flushed cheeks. Hotch felt such a relief from watching the corners of Spencer’s mouth turn up. He reached out and wiped the tears away and then returned his hand to Spencer’s arm. "Yes, please." Spencer whispered cheerfully. He gave Aaron a small kiss on his cheek before he stepped back finally. "Thank you." 

“You do not need to thank me.” Aaron said, his hand still comfortably on Spencer’s arm. “That’s what I’m here for, baby.” Aaron smiled and stepped back, putting a respectable distance between them. Spencer watched as he shifted back to his unit chief persona and the warm hand on his arm dissipated. 

Spencer’s smile remained on his face, his shoulders were more relaxed than they had been ten minutes ago and his mind decidedly clearer. He felt like he could finally get some work done on the case. “I’ll see you later.”


	9. Chapter 9

He had debated when and where the best place to tell JJ was. During the case or after? Hotel room or the jet? His apartment or JJ's? He talked it out with Aaron that night, they walked hand in hand down the mostly desolate suburban town as the sun sank down to the horizon and their features instead became illuminated by the orange tint of streetlights. They had a solid lead on the case and they were confident it could be solved by tomorrow afternoon. 

Hotch suggested that Reid tell JJ after the case before they get back to Virginia. A neutral environment. "If we finish in the afternoon, the team can grab a late lunch and you can tell her then." 

It was sound advice that he planned on taking. And as Hotch had predicted, they peacefully arrested the unsub and got a confession by three p.m. While Hotch, Morgan and Prentiss went to apprehend the unsub, Rossi, Reid and JJ stayed behind. Rossi went to prepare the interrogation while Reid and JJ started to clean up the room that they had occupied for the past eight days. 

He knew it was now or never. If he didn't tell her before the others got back than he probably never would, something would always come up or get in the way. Spencer took a deep breath, rehearsing the words in his mind before he spoke. "JJ, I have something to tell you." He started wearily. 

She paused what she was doing, case files in her hand, and looked up at him from across the small room. "Is everything okay, Spence?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowed with worry. 

Spencer nodded mutely and watched as JJ put down the files on the table and approached him carefully. "It's about..." 

"The boyfriend?" JJ asked cautiously, a tint of excitement in her question. "Are you going to share his secret identity?" She teased. 

He tried not to let the friendly tease distract him, running the words over and over until he had enough courage to say them aloud. "It's Hotch." He blurted weakly, staring at the ground beneath him. 

"I know."

That caused Spencer to look up quickly across the table. JJ was standing in the same place she had been when Spencer looked down to the ground, but now she wore a smirk on her face. "Why did you want me to tell you?" Spencer asked curiously. "If you already knew?" 

JJ's smirk turned into a softer, more friendlier smile. She rounded the table to stand directly on front of him. "I wasn't certain, but I had a good idea." She explained slowly. 

Spencer pursed his lips. "When did you..." His question faded away between his lips.

"I became pretty certain that day in the break room, you talked about your first date and Hotch spent the whole time trying to hide a smug grin." There was a hint of humour in her voice.

Spencer was blushing at the tips of his ears, recalling the memory. He laughed softly and shook his head. "Typical alpha male." He joked. JJ laughed pulled at the collar of his shirt where a few yellow bruises and bites were fading on her lower neck. Aaron liked leaving marks on Spencer, and Spencer liked knowing that he belonged to Aaron.

"I noticed." Spencer's neck blushed and he pushed JJ away lightly with a chuckle. 

They smiled at each other for a brief second before Spencer sobered up and bit his lip in worry. "You're, um. You don't seem too-"

"Concerned?" She interrupted. Spencer nodded and let his lip loose from between his teeth. "I am." She admitted, feeling guilty as she said it. Spencer was the happiest she had seen him in a while, and she was pleased to see it. He was her best friend, her brother. She wanted him to be happy and she was glad that Spencer had found somebody who made him feel that way, but deep in her mind the memories of the nights spent at Spencer's apartment comforting him while he sulked about the unattainable man he loved.

He nodded and looked down at the ground again. "I understand." He mumbled and began rubbing the backs of his hands together self-soothingly. "Aaron and I discussed it, I'm not angry at you for being nervous about it. If it were you in my place, I'd probably feel the same way." He reassured her. 

When Spencer looked up again, JJ was smiling affectionately at him. She held her arms out, offering a hug which he readily accepted and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm happy for you, Spence." 

"Thank you." He whispered in response. They pulled back from each other and JJ reached out to wipe away the tear on Spencer's cheek. He hadn't felt it fall from his eye. 

"I do regret asking about your sex life, though."


End file.
